Silent Cry

I see her yesterday with a mix feeling. happy to see her after so long, and sad for what she going thru. She was happy to see me too... commenting how good my skin turn out (she explain to my sister that I had soo many pimples during our school time), how much I lost weight, asking what I did.. Its such a nice chat, like trying to catch up with each other. As for me, I'm too afraid to ask, too afraid that I'll unintentionally hurts her feelings, and be the heartless friend. But she understand, she voluntarily provide me the answers without the questions.

She just found out she have lung cancer just last week. But Doctor says its been 3 years.
She just resigned from her Job.
She'll be in Kuala Lumpur for 1 year to have the treatment.
The size is 11x12!
She is at stage 2 (but my sister told me, its stage 4)
Its taken up half of her lungs
....

Lord, please forgive me for having little faith in you. Its hard for me to have such leap of faith that you would....
But Please Lord, let me be wrong..

....

I've sent SMS to 2 of my high school classmates that I still have contact with, and Jeni to support her in prayer. I feel so hopeless...
I tried to massage her hand and shoulder that swollen... But I was afraid to put a lot of pressure. I know it doesn't do any good, but what matters is to give her little bit comfort.

....

Feels a bit guilty for having such a good time at central market yesterday afternoon. Watching young models catwalk-ing with JUST a thin layer of batik around their waist. A lady I meet said, where's the batik? makes me chuckle at her jokes. It was a surprise to see HAN at the show... Hope she share some of the picture she took..

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Melaka trip is still on... I am half hearted to go... Making myself believe that she going to win this battle that I decide to go. I won't shed tears... I just cant help myself thinking of her and feeling sad. I must be strong for her, for her Mother, for her sister's Diana... and her families. Lord, give me strength. Keep praying brother and sister...