Friday, November 04, 2005

I need help

I received a called this morning from my sister asking me to call my father, say it was urgent. I have no idea what could be so urgent. So, I called him right away.

He was asking me whether I'm coming home for Christmas this year. Of course I'm going home. Its feel like I didn't for ages. well Its only been 2? 3 years? yeah.. somewhere there. They're doing the "plastering" around the house now. It will definetily finish by Christmas, but there's one problem. Electricity will only be install next year.

Well, about the call, my father asking me about the letter he asked me to write to this girl he "approved" for me months ago. Shut up! its not funny, I'm totally serious, am totally in shock! I mean.. is this something you consider urgent? I'm confuse.

My father started mention this "approved girl" agenda since right after I finish my degree. And my excuse was, I'm just started to look for job, and I'm certainly can't afford a wife just yet. My mom support my decision. Last year, before christmas, he mentioned this again. I was so suprise, that my father comes up with numbers of his "approved" eligible girls. and July this year, he gave a name, with an address. Insisting me to write to this girl as a "pen pal", no pressure (yeah right). Been keeping a straight face (stay cool) during the "pressesion", but I can't hold it any longer and burst out when my dad hand me the name and address. Gosh, I can see my dad having a hard time to keep his "cool" too.

Today, well, besides the numerous called I make and this "pen pal" letter never fail poping up in our conversation. I got to give his some valid excuse, so I said, the address that he gave me is not complete, its a school address, and anyone could get the letter. But Dad don't buy that, he keep asking me to send it, since she's a teacher, she will receive it. Now, I got to come clean, I said "Dad... I don't want to write this letter". There was a few second silent there before he speak again. He said, "Let me know once you send the letter". hello?.. did he heard me? or pretending not hear me? or.. is this what they called an "executive decision"? I'm confuse.

I haven't totally recovered, when he asked me whether I want to speak to my mom. "uh.. ok". Looking for support from mom.. (hey, I'm the youngest son.. should be loves most.. right?)... I quickly asked mom to tell that I won't write the letter...she said "you tell that to him himself". I said, why they want me to get marroed quickly, and she said "we just want to see our grandchildren". I said.. "mom, you have lots of granchilds already". she quickly add, "but they're not yours.".. oh my god, I can't believe my mom don't take my sides this time. "she said.. we're getting old you know,.. our time is near". (my god, she use that line again. Sooo typical). She knows how to gets me...well, they said, mother know best... this is soo true!

*sigh* I..... I don't know what to do...dont know what to say...
I dont want to disepoint my parent,
I certainly not ready to get married,
I.. I.. need Help?


aika said...

So its up to you to decide wether to write it and see what comes out of that (probably the girl is also not so shure this all is a good idea...) or to discuss the whole thing on a "I cant do this ever"-level with your family. Are there any family members on your side and would they support you? It could be very hard to do that alone. Best luck...

Musa said...

what should I say to her? hi.. my dad fancy you for me?

My brother's marrige is arrange marrige, and its fail. and I dont believe in arrange marriege.

My sisters and brother are keeping away from this agenda. They laugh alright.

Anway, thanks for your insight.. good to know what the girl might think. Thanks aika

hani said...


find a sister or auntie or uncle .. and go and have a slow talk with them.. tell them that u r not ready .. Tell them that u r happy now and that u want to concentrate and build yr career first.. tell them that u dont need to get married to be happy, and that u r already so happy now..

then ask them to talk to your parents..

thats what I did..

My uncle told my mom, if she (me) is happy being single, why not?

Now they stopped asking..

but u have a long way to go, definitely.. :) good luck dear

Pirate-ish Aida said...

Hey buddy, quite a predicament you're facing eh. It would annoy me out of my wits if my parents were to do that too.

But you have to understand them to really get out of this mess. My mom always asks whether me or any of my sisters have found a boyfriend or not. My dad himself said to my elder sis that he wanted a grandchild. They're just worried us happy-go-lucky people would stay single for the rest of our lives ;)

I think both Hani & Aika's advices are good. And if you're on really good terms with your dad, maybe you need to have a heart-to-heart talk? Just the two of you.

Don't get overly stressed out, ok? :)

orie said...


Honestly, I've never been in this situation since my parents are not enthusiastic at all about all this marriage thingy.... My dad once told me that he is so not ready if i pop the question... so look at me, happily bein single n might and i just said might not get married....

For your case, you have to be brave enough to confront your parents and tell them that you're just not ready to get married, 1 good point is for you to always stress about financial matters like maybe you can tell them that you're not financially fit and KL is a darn big city and if you're married you need at least 5K to survive. 2nd point is that you might want to meet up with the girl and say hi and just be friends with no strings attached. If it turns out that she might be this cool chick to hang out with, no harm done kan??? 3rd is just that mayb u should la get married coz yup your parents are not gettin younger and you're just the unlucky one as the youngest boy in the family.... so they just wanna see you happily married with kids....

Goooooodddddddd Luuuuuuuccckkkkkkk!!!

Musa said...

Thank you so much for the suggestion. I sure will take your advice when it come to that later. I'm close to one of my aunt.. so, she would probably help me. *finger cross*

You got so lucky having such understanding, and considerate parent. Not saying mine is not that.. did you watch yesterdays-house series? Me and my dad are more or less in that kind or relationship. "heart-to-heart" kinda talk might never happens. I'm moer on mummy side if you know what I mean *wink*. Thanks alot for the advice.

OMG.. you certainly have quite a numbers of options laid out for me... Thanks girl!
Waiting for me to earn 5grand.. I probably will never get married for sure... hehehe
your second point is more appealing, it just that, I hate to give any false hope to my parent.. and to her too..
Get married straight away? I wish I could just do that and stop thinking of what comes with the word "married" ay las?

You know what? I ended my calls with a "treat". I said, I won't coming home for xmas if Dad planning on this match making business. I know, I know... I feel bad already... *sigh* I'm such a deepshite son.

hani said...

haha daren...

I did that too.. I used to say if they keep trying to match-make me, I wont wanna come home.. hehe it works..

a lil threat is ok.. hehe

Manuel said...


susah-susah je.

the easiest way to solve the problem is to confront with it. kahwin will surprise that life actually easier with someone to look after..hehe..ada orang tidur dan makan sama gitu.

Musa said...


You know, since my father mention about this married thing. I have this dreams, a life with a wife and children(s). Its a sweet dream.. and I still can imagine it.


I dont think I'm ready for the commitment and the responsibilities. I admire those married guys... how do guys do it? I need to asked those married guys... ah, forget it.. am not getting merried.. thats final! not for now..or in the near future.. maybe oneday.. no hush hush...

hey, what about you?


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