Learning to be content

Are you content with your life?
Its very rare to hear one says in confidence, a Yes! answer.. its always a "yeah, its alright" kinda of answers. Or.. "Okey, I guess". And I am one of those people who would say something like that. And its not being humble or being selling short myself.. I am somehow in the middle of.. being not happy with my life, and surviving each day by day.

After I went to this "Personal Financial" study group. I make a pledge to myself that I will put Him first. I am determine to make it, no matter how light my wallet is. And I am proud to say, I did give my 10% because it is His. It is my first and I said "Lord, I'm doing this not because its my responsibility. I want to do this because I want to test you". Its sounds stupid to actually "test" the Lord. But it is what I learn from the study. That we are to test Him!

But the hardest part is knowing, how I would survive after I paid all my expenses. And that makes me analyzing my lifestyle. What are the necessities, and what are the things that I want? What are the things that I should let go... and what comes to mind were;

Monthly gym membership,
Regular visit to Thai Massage,
"Once in awhile" (but soo often) eating out,
DVD movies,

For no.2 to 4, I easily can let that go, just a matter of discipline. But for the gym? either I terminated em' and find an alternative (cheaper) gym center, or no gym at all?! How?? sometime, when my days were really bad... all I'm looking forward to is to exhaust myself in the workout and have a nice warm steam and sauna bath. But, its not a necessity right? I must let this one go... *snif, snif*

As I come to work by bus everyday, I will buried myself in reading this book call "Your Money Counts" by Howard Dayton. And today, I am at the topic of "The first step Towards Contentment". This book only cost me RM25! and I have no regrets of buying it, as its really helps. Sometimes, its really helps when someone, (in this case-a book) tells you what to do instead of repeating it to yourself like Ugly Betty saying "I am a confidence business women" to herself.

The first sentences that it say on the topic is that "To learn to be content, you must recognize God as the owner of all your possessions." And it is your attitude, that reflect your confirmation of this statement. It said here that the Lord allows difficult circumstances for a reason. One of them is that to accomplish His intention. And given an illustration of Joseph, who was sold to slavery by his jealous brother, and later told his brothers "Do not grieved or angry with yourselves, because you sold me here, for God sent me before you to preserve life... It was not you who sent me here, but God."(Genesis 45:5, 8). Can I be like Joseph? so forgiving.. after all the miserable life he went thru' he could easily blame his brothers right? He could easily lock em' up in jails or something to make them pay. I must learn..

You see I alwasy make provision set aside for me to be able to stand on my two feet. But sometimes, there's this extraordinary request that I have to put my priority aside. Like last week, my sister asked me to sent my Dad and Mom some cash. So, I did sent them RM200 from my own. Than, they asked me to reload their phone... another RM100 goes there, than... this and that... arh... What annoy me is that, its never be enough, now that they're here, they expect/need/wants more... as if I'm the money making machine! Since my cousin staying with me... the bills seems to rise up too!! Arh.... Please Lord, stand with me.. I feels like I'm going to slip down any minutes now.

Now, I'm back being young and broke for the wrong reason. I am happy being young thou, just being broke part is a bit suck. And of course, being young also gives you the advantage of being able to ask for help from you siblings.. hehehe. The only problem is .. its the FIRST week of the month, and they aspect you to loaded!! not Broke!!! hehehehe... at least my humor are still keep intact right?

Sorry making you read this boring stuff.. its the only place I can pure my heart out.