defeated temptation

Last Night, at the gym, like always I joined one of the class. guess what? its not my imagination that the instructor keep his eyes on me. I keep pushing myself when I think I can't do it anymore. I stay until the end... and I felt good! Well, right after that, in the changing/locker room, the instructor talk to me.. he said that, I can stop half way when I can't take it anymore. He speak chinese (not mandarin) which I don't understand. He seem a bit suprise when I told him I'm not a chinese in Mandarin. So, you see... he got his eyes on me ay? hehehe...

Oh, not the instructor alone was eyeing me... when I was in the souna, one young lad have his eyes on me. too... man... whats is wrong with these people eyes? I would die to have a body like them! and here I am being openly raped by their lusting eyes...(or it was just my imagination) Come on... me? nah.. who am I kidding? hahaha. I need to get in shape!.. you see what I mean? Yes, I did look at the young lad too... he has a great lean body, has cute tatto on his back just right at the top of his bum (I especially like that one).. and a few behind his shoulder. Hem.. maybe I have one like him too. Is it painful? I'll change my mind if it is.. hehehe.. can't really stand any pain.

I am so proud of myself. I didn't follow the young lad to shower. he purposely open his shower door for me when I've finish taking my shower. I saw his eyes inviting me in when I pass thru his shower... God.. aren't you proud of me? hehehe.. thank you for giving me the strenght to say no.. even for a childish or an innocent playfull shower.

In my tiredness, I manage to go thru the 2nd day of "believing god" lesson. I felt really sleepy, but I forced myself to read and write...I gonna do it! Yes, I am! I didnt give in to my fleshs pleasure.. I didnt give in to my flesh weekness.. I give in to my Lord!